I am Becoming a Cliché

I had a feeling this was going to happen. A self fulfilling prophecy some call it.  All my life I’ve wanted to be a comedian but didn’t fully understand the commitment it was going to take to become successful. I’m a funny guy, just write that shit down and hit the stage.  Once I get past the stage fright thing I’ll be a laugh making machine!! Not quite. And throughout this dreamworld of comedic glory I was living in, I would ridicule those that have seemingly traveled down the stereotypical path of a struggling artist; sitting in a coffee during the middle of the day feverishly typing away on their Mac’s churning out the next great American comedy.  And here I am, sitting in Jack’s coffee shop on my fucking Mac writing a blog post for the Punching Llamas faithful.  I have become (more of) what I feared most, a complete and utter jerk-off.

But enough of this sob story.  I’m supposed to make you laugh and god dammit that’s what I’m gonna to do.  The funny thing about having more free time on your hands is that you absolutely do not use it wisely (follow up post on this tomorrow).  You’ve got to really dig deep and say “Hey, hey llama. How bout a lil somethin….ya know, for the effort?”  So that’s what I did. Ya know what I found? Well first I found out that I find myself eerily attracted to ugly, non-English speaking moms that come to get coffee.  Sometimes I like to throw up and cry after sex so I think that’s where it stems from.  Secondly, and more importantly, that I’m here for you. So I will grind away with the rest of the latté drinking, pea-coat wearing, daddy-doesn’t love me anymore starving artists out there for your enjoyment.  And of course to solicit sex from married immigrants. Legal or illegal, my lust shows no borders.

Meet my new buddy Thomas. Tom likes hiking, homemade granola & re-runs of "To Catch a Predator."