Free Time: Getting Weird(er) With Oneself
Given the recent influx of free time on my hands, I feel it necessary to share with you ten revelations I’ve come to over the last two weeks:
1. A man is never too “cool” for a footjob.
2. If you’ve stubbed your toe twice in the same day then there’s a good chance you’ve got AIDS.
3. Old woman are easier to rob during the day.
4. Old men are NOT easier to rob during the day.
5. The cleaning lady in the building across the street from me talks on the phone while she cleans and not once has she taken her shirt off (in real life).
6. I watch MSNBC 60% of the day but retain absolutely no political knowledge worth using in adult conversation.
7. Talking to mom more than 3 times before the business day ends is not healthy.
8. Job recruiters are not your friends and should not be spoken to as such.
9. Crying alone is better than crying on the phone with a cell phone provider’s customer service associate.
10. Stealing quarters from your roommate to get street meat for lunch is nothing to feel bad about (he’s a jew).
I mean those arches are...look at those arches.
