Dear Pre-Pubescent 30 Year Old Men
I fully understand the desire to express one’s self anyway you’d like as it pertains to your physical appearance. It’s a freedom granted to all Americans and something I thank God for every morning as I slide these slender legs into my favorite pair of boot-cut chinos. But this PSA isn’t about me and my affinity for medium weight khakis, it’s about the “hipster.” I want to first say that the tight clothes and the overall Linus-from-Peanuts grooming habits is perfectly ok with me, I accept & respect the decision. BUT when we start to drill down to their facial hair presentation, a line must be drawn.
There are two options when it comes to facial hair; you can grow it or you can’t grow it. That’s it, that’s all. It is when those inbetweeners try to add to their filth cache by letting it run ramped that I take offense. What they’re doing is an insult to both the bearded and the bare faced. Let’s take Mitch here for example:
Dirtface Von Ihateyou
It looks like somebody threaded 7 pubes into his exposed check while he slept on a pillow of armpit hair clippings in hopes that his night tears would affix them to the other cheek. Mitch, if you can hear me, I’m going to offer you three very valuable words of advice: Bic, Gillette & Schick. Just walk into a Duane Reade and start crying, someone will figure out what you’re looking for. If that doesn’t work maybe try not sucking for a few days, see how that pans out.
“If that doesn’t work maybe try not sucking for a few days, see how that pans out.” Can I steal this? I’m going to steal it. It’s great. stealing something word for word is the highest form of flattery, etc etc. Ok, it’s all set. You’re fine if I steal it. awesome.
Thank you, thank you. You enjoy using that one and make sure you tell people where it came from, it’s a personal favorite.
that guys facial hair looks almost as bad as a shaved pig covered in beaver aids.